I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
