Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize