Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
