Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
