So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
