i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
