He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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