ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
