Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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