Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
