i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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