I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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