I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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