3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
