Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
