Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
