If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
