I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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