This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
