Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
