Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
