she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
