remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
