i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
