i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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