# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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