look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
