if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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