I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
BRING THE BAGELS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
