so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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