Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The air was thick with penises
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
