I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
