I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
