dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im holly from the hills drunk
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize