TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
