i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My ass is underappreciated
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
