I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
