you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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