what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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