I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
