Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
