i would punch a child for taco bell
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
