? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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