i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
