Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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