took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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