There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
