Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
