i can't believe i had my finger in that
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
