Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I looked at my own cervix.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
