plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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