Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize