i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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