thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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