Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
