That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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