and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
