So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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