He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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