I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
