Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
