My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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