Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
