I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
