I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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