Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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