we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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