Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
