he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
