Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
