I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize