Pappa wants mamma naked
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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