we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
