Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
