Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
