If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
