Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
