Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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