you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize