playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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