Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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