I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
