oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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